Days at university

Just received my result. Not very pleased with myself. The result was not as I expected. I feel like I'm gonna cry. This is the most horrible thing I've ever do. The worst day of my life. Honestly, if I can I will commit suicide. My life was never been this terrible. All the subject that I took was really disappoint me. All I can say is I'm very depressed, upset, frustrated. Never in my life this test God gave to me is very hard to face.

I just don't know what to write anymore. Like all that I've done seems nothing to me now. It never gives back what I want. And the subject that I'm not very pleased is Basic Mathematical Method. I thought that I've done my best. The best of all subjects. Then the result...

I hope this grade will not make me repeat this paper again. I'm hoping that it will never happen. Yes I can re-sit the paper back to repair my pointer. But REPEAT?? That means I have to extend my study here to 3 1/2 years or maybe 4 years! I don't mind extend my study here but I just can't face it. I really can't face it. I put very best effort and it turned me down. Well maybe I deserved that but... This is very critical subject. Repeat the paper just like the worst nightmare of all students. I don't want it happen to me! No! Please!

I'm not blaming God for what happen. Yes I deserved it...

I just can't tell my parents about this. I don't have the will to tell them. I know it will make them upset. They always give me hope that anyone can't. They put so much hope on me, but I turned them down. I'm very sad.

O God. Please forgive me. I know I have many sins to You. But please don't make this nightmare into reality. Please God. To You I give my life.