- Erised stra ehru oyt ube cafru oyt on wohsi -

*(I show not your face but your heart's desire)*

Friday, December 15, 2006

In memory

Finally, all this tired-all-day practice comes to an end. And I can go back to home! Yeaa... 3 weeks I haven't see my family and my cats. 1 thing I regret, one of my cat passed on just about a week ago. It's a very nice cat. Persians. We called him Giant. Since he was the biggest of all my cats. I like his fur. Very nice and smooth. When my mom called inform me about that I was very shocked! Yeah. Just few days before we took him to vet. And the doctor said it will be fine. He just have urine problem. Couple days at vet, and we took him home. Still he looked very tired. Didn't want to move at all. I thought it was just the drugs they gave to him. And until the day, when my mom was just wanted to prepare breakfast, she checked him. But he didn't respond. He left this world. He left us.

It's just a memory from now. I missed him a lot.

Life must go on. There he goes. And another will come. My house like 'restaurant' for cats. Really. I have 3 cats now. And uncountable cats around my neighbourhood, coming and waiting every breakfast, lunch and dinner. It's a bit annoyed actually. What can I do, since all my beloved cats are 'too' friendly inviting their friends to the house.

I will always remember you, Giant.

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Days at university

Just received my result. Not very pleased with myself. The result was not as I expected. I feel like I'm gonna cry. This is the most horrible thing I've ever do. The worst day of my life. Honestly, if I can I will commit suicide. My life was never been this terrible. All the subject that I took was really disappoint me. All I can say is I'm very depressed, upset, frustrated. Never in my life this test God gave to me is very hard to face.

I just don't know what to write anymore. Like all that I've done seems nothing to me now. It never gives back what I want. And the subject that I'm not very pleased is Basic Mathematical Method. I thought that I've done my best. The best of all subjects. Then the result...

I hope this grade will not make me repeat this paper again. I'm hoping that it will never happen. Yes I can re-sit the paper back to repair my pointer. But REPEAT?? That means I have to extend my study here to 3 1/2 years or maybe 4 years! I don't mind extend my study here but I just can't face it. I really can't face it. I put very best effort and it turned me down. Well maybe I deserved that but... This is very critical subject. Repeat the paper just like the worst nightmare of all students. I don't want it happen to me! No! Please!

I'm not blaming God for what happen. Yes I deserved it...

I just can't tell my parents about this. I don't have the will to tell them. I know it will make them upset. They always give me hope that anyone can't. They put so much hope on me, but I turned them down. I'm very sad.

O God. Please forgive me. I know I have many sins to You. But please don't make this nightmare into reality. Please God. To You I give my life.

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

High Hopes

Next time your found, with your chin on the ground

There a lot to be learned, so look around

Just what makes that little old ant

Think hell move that rubber tree plant

Anyone knows an ant, cant

Move a rubber tree plant

But hes got high hopes, hes got high hopes

Hes got high apple pie, in the sky hopes

So any time your gettin' low stead of lettin' go

Just remember that ant

Oops there goes another rubber tree plant

When troubles call, and your backs to the wall

There a lot to be learned, that wall could fall

Once there was a silly old ram

Thought he'd punch a hole in a dam

No one could make that ram, scram

He kept buttin' that dam cause he had high hopes, he had high hopes

He had high apple pie, in the sky hopes

So any time your feelin' bad stead of feelin' sad

Just remember that ram

Oops there goes a billion kilowatt dam

All problems just a toy balloon

They'll be bursting soon

They're just bound to go pop

Oops there goes another problem kerplop

Frank Sinatra - High Hopes

Well that's the song I have to sing for the competition. One of the songs actually. There's 5 songs to remember. Gosh. And the worst and most difficult part is my part. The bass. All sopranos, altos and tenors got their part already.

It's been 3 weeks since I spend my semester break here. The life here not exactly boring as thought. Just sometimes I feel lonely (that's what I want isn't it?). I've no money here in my account to be exact. Damn!! When they want to bank in my money. I've waited for 1 semester, but there's nothing happen. And I should wait, and wait, and wait... wait... wait... Just like the song. High hopes. Hopes....

Monday, December 11, 2006

Jom Heboh!

Yesterday was the last day of TV3 Carnival Jom Heboh. That's the second time I went there. First when I was in Form 5 (they used to call Carnival TV3 Sure Heboh). Dunno what's bring me there. Maybe coz really really bored living here. Well actually I rather stuck here in my room rather than go outside in the crowded place. I hate being there! But yesterday, maybe some excuses. Hahaha. There's nothing there actually. The people just wanna watch concert. BORING!!!! Most of the singers are from reality TV Mentor. Few songs plus dance, after that... Well you know. If Simon Cowell was there, sure he'll say something that never been said in American Idol. Horrible!! Most Malaysians prefer good-looking than a great voice. That was happen in almost all reality TV program in Malaysia. Well, it's Malaysia. Yeah. Malaysia Truly Asia!
Actually I don't want to talk about that. Just what makes me sad was the behaviour of certain teenagers (mostly Malays). Jumping all over there. Raving like some sort of animals. I know it's a concert. But at least they can act like people with manners. Once a girl wanted to cross the field full of mud. Raining season now you know. They teased her until she ran away leaving her shoe behind. Well, serve her right. Who ask her to cross the field if she know it will humiliate her. Me? I just watched her. If I help then they will do the same to me. Besides it was full of mud. Eeuu.. Disgusting. Hahaha.

Saturday, December 9, 2006


Honestly I have little bit trouble updating this blog. Reason? The wireless excess, choir practice and myself. In fact when I want to write new post all the idea to write seems to disappear. My mind completely blank. NOTHING AT ALL!!

Sunday, December 3, 2006

And So The Lion Fell In Love With The Lamb~

Well... this surprised me a lot. I FINISHED NEW MOON IN JUST 2 DAYS!!! Hahaha. I'm proud of myself.

Last few days... nothing interesting happen. Lots n lots of choir practice makes me really tired. And with Richard singed me up for boria WITHOUT my permission, I'm pissed off. At least he could ask me first. I'm about to quitting boria but I feel guilty leaving all my friends behind. The girls seems excited about this stupid thing. Aaaarrrggghhh~ God, can You help me to face this.

As for the choir team, I think we'd made great progress. This team is better than last year (that's what my seniors said). Whatever! Still, my mind is messed up. Thinking for the choir, (stupid) boria and last but not least my JKPAI's Arabic Class next semester. My chairman keep remind me about that thing. "Try update ngan die about the modul...", "Dah tanye die ke belum?". To be honest, I'm having difficulty about the idea of meeting and asking him(he is one of tutor for the class). It's not that I don't want to meet him. But the way he sees me, it makes me really uncomfortable. I think he's very cold with me or sort of.

Well, I better get going. Mid Valley is waiting for me. It's been ages since the last time I went there. Before this what I know is One Utama, The Curve, Cineleisure, Low Yat Plaza, Berjaya Times Square, KLCC. I seems to forget my 'second house' when I was in PASUM. Hehehe.

Friday, December 1, 2006

Last 3 days...

I don't really know what to write here. I've been completely crazy last few days.

1st: I had to stay and spend my one month holiday at my own 'beloved' collage for Festival Seni.
2nd: My computer got virus and I'd to format it back.
3rd: hm... what's more?

Oh. Nearly forgot. I've just finished reading Stephenie Meyer's -Twilight-. This book is really, really, really interesting. It took me just 3 days to complete reading the book. Yeah. I'm surprised too. It's the second book (after Harry Potter of course) that I can finish it in... well, 3 days coz I've lots of thing in my mind. If I have nothing to do I think I can finish it in a day. Hahaha. The story is about a girl from Phoenix moving to small town of Olympic Peninsular and accidentally fall in love with a vampire. The story is great with nice plot and good character describing. I just love the story. Thanks to my roommate coz he's recommended to me. Now I'm reading her second book, New Moon. It's the continuation of the first one, Twilight. This book was just released, I think in September. So, I think I need few more days to finished it. Hahaha.